NPR’s Million-Dollar Idea

(by request - the “Nina Totin’ Bag” My bank account’s telling me it is verboten
To pick up the tote bag they call “Nina Totin’”,
But though it’s just one of their fundraising scams,
I’d buy it if only I had thirty clams.

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Space Haiku

(by request: “Crossing the heliopause.” I was given a link to what the f a heliopause is, and I have been thinking about it ever since: The area in which the outgoing solar wind and the incoming plasma from interstellar space meet. It is the boundary of our solar system.)
Ground Control, it’s Tom.
I’m at the [...]

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The Eternal Mystery of K.B.

(by request: “bacon.” I don’t know what’s going on here. I tried to write a haiku about actual bacon but it took almost 9 minutes to come up with something really mediocre, so I threw this together in the remaining minute instead.)
I wonder what it’s like to be Kevin Bacon’s friend.
Like, is he cool with [...]

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Song Lyrics for Sale (to Stevie Nicks ONLY)

(This was a submission from a close enough friend that I don’t need to check how long this took her to write. She is trusted. 4EVA.)
DEBORAH
Suggested song lyrics for Stevie Nicks, by a friend of mine
oh deborah
i still recall you
dancing on the shining ocean
like a cat
that took swim lessons
cat lady
dressed in velvet
cat lady
cat lady deborah
they [...]

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I Cannot Urge You Strongly Enough to Read the Disclaimer

(by request - “brownisaboutfeelings.” Ok, seriously, these were just the rhymes that came to me first, and I have no idea what this poem is getting at. Believe it or not, the first one I thought of was Detroit, not exploit. And I have no clue why. Does Detroit have a large population of brown [...]

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Song Lyrics for Sale (to Belle & Sebastian members ONLY)

(This wasn’t so much of a request as it was a challenge in an IM conversation, and I could have done better if I spent maybe 7 minutes on it instead of 2)
LADY JENNY
Suggested song lyrics for Belle & Sebastian from yours truly
(Verse: at a rollicking clip)
Lady Jenny so delicately pretty
She plays bingo at her [...]

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Surprise Parties for Generals

(by request -  Well, I can’t really quote him because he just said ‘WRITE’ and then linked me to this picture

A friend of mine likes Southern stuff
(Jeff Davis, Stonewall, Jeb)
He’s one step short of C. War Buff,
A sentimental Reb.
But yesterday he crossed a line
From “interested” to “kitsch,”
The little, old Lee statuette
He purchased from [...]

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Get a Room

(by request: how about something about finding the perfect person that you
absolutely know you want to spend the rest of your life with?)
I’m not telling lies, I’m telling you true
It’s stupid the way that I feel about you.
I go ‘round all day with the happiest mug,
I go ‘bout my biz giving strangers a hug.
I tell [...]

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