Archive for the ‘cats’ Category


(by submission, no joke!)
I’m sorry that I called your pet an asshat
since legally he is also my cat.

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Hang in There!

(by request – “how cats should do homework since they like to sleep on open books”)

My cat and I have a deal.
I do the homework and
He knocks stuff over.

So what’s the problem, cat?
There’s things on the table
That are still standing upright.

Yet you’re on my lap.
No, on all my schoolbooks
And crushing my notes.

So here, write this paper.
It’s on postmodernism –
Right up your alley!

Please, don’t let me stop you.
Just make sure you cite stuff
In MLA style.

And don’t try to pad it.
Don’t use huge margins
Or 16pt font.

I’m sure you can do it.
Just twenty-five pages
And then you are done!

I’ll just be over here.
Knocking stuff over and
Taking brief naps.

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I Am a Humanitarian

(by request – “a cat that pees on you but if you gave it up, it would be killed by the animal shelter”)

My love for furry creatures
Is the only thing that keeps you
From the animal control
And their bright cat-loving needles.

Yeah, that’s right, I said it,
I threatened euthanasia,
So maybe sometime soon
You will think before you pee.

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