(by request: “bacon.” I don’t know what’s going on here. I tried to write a haiku about actual bacon but it took almost 9 minutes to come up with something really mediocre, so I threw this together in the remaining minute instead.)
I wonder what it’s like to be Kevin Bacon’s friend.
Like, is he cool with certain things?
Will he humor you with some Footloose material?
Are you allowed to tell him he can’t handle the truth?
Does he get pissed off when you’re all hanging out
And somebody says something like,
“I’m only separated from you by one degree of Kevin Bacon!”
Or does he throw the ketchup bottle at the wall
And walk out of the diner
And into the life that would have been
Had he chosen music early on,
Or explored the heady world of photography,
Or changed his name to Jimmy Jones,
Or signed up for the marines for real,
Or spent more time with stage acting,
Or married J.K. Rowling,
Back when he had the chance.