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Archive for March, 2007

Apples to Oranges

(by request – “comparing apples to oranges”)

One is round and dimply
And its color is so bright,
The other is a shiny red
But underneath, it’s white,
But we drink the juice of both for breakfast, so that blows THAT theory out of the water.

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“Equusperer” should be a cross between
“Equus” and the “Horse Whisperer”
Or are they already the same?
Who cares!

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I Am a Humanitarian

(by request – “a cat that pees on you but if you gave it up, it would be killed by the animal shelter”)

My love for furry creatures
Is the only thing that keeps you
From the animal control
And their bright cat-loving needles.

Yeah, that’s right, I said it,
I threatened euthanasia,
So maybe sometime soon
You will think before you pee.

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My God, Linksys!

You’ve got a lot of calls

I guess.

But I

I have not got a lot of

Patience.

I’d surf while waiting

Endless waves

Of wikipedia.

Or post a bulletin

Or new pics

Or rate a dvd.

Instead

I’m forced to watch our cats fight

Think about work

Wonder what the name will be

Of my next available technician.

Maybe Ashley

Maybe Terrell

Maybe Edwin

Jonah Keith Melissa Kevin.

Beth, you are taking too long.

My boyfriend’s beeping in, Sherrie.

And Robert, you need to wrap it up with your other irate customers

Because it’s late

And I am tired,

And my roommate isn’t getting any younger.

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Good Vibrations

(by request)

 

You are nearing middle age

But I love it when you rage

Over taking the backstage

In The Departed.

 

And how elegantly brave

When you faced that giant wave

You would surely be my fave

If not for Clooney.

 

And I haven’t seen Three Kings

But I’ve heard some posi things

Ah, th’advantages it brings

To work with Clooney.

 

Of course, who could ignore

The wealth you had in store

For your co-star Julianne Moore

In your trousers.

 

But baby, honeybee

Even though you’re dear to me

I can’t bring myself to see

That movie “Shooter.”

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MH

Michael Hutchence

O

M

G

!!!!!

If you had just called me, I would have helped you auto-erotically asphyxiate safely.

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Who Will Be

…the Next Pussycat Doll?

Mariela

Melissa

Some other girl

Tuesday nights I pretend to hate on

Other Melissa

Sisely

…Jamie, maybe?

But really I ignore my calls to see if

Asia

Anastasia

Will dance the sluttiest.

(Usually,

They all do a great job.)

((Especially when they’ve had to go through a lot to get there and they want to make their moms proud)).

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